Recent estimates suggest that nearly 3 million people in the US alone keep an amphibian or reptile as a pet. YouTube videos with odes to cane toads are ubiquitous. And yet amphibians and reptiles also keep extermination companies in business, and are reviled by many. These emotions pose great challenges to the conservation of these species, just as their populations in the natural world are in great decline. It can be quite hard to inspire stewardship of a tomato toad in the same way that one can more generally charismatic fauna like pandas and polar bears. In response, herpetologists have created large-scale programs such as Amphibian Ark, the umbrella organization behind the Year of the Frog campaign, http: //www.amphibianark.org/, to educate and enthrall citizens with the charm of the more slimy species of the planet. Few herpetologists have contributed more to the conservation of amphibians and reptiles than Marty Crump, a renowned expert on declining amphibians. This manuscript is her ode to the toad, a masterful compilation of science and narrative centering on human relations with amphibians and reptiles across the globe. An intrepid explorer and skilled writer, Crump has gathered stories and myths and paired them with natural history to give a wonderful view of how essential amphibians and reptiles are to our well being. Using symbolism, folklore, and science, the manuscript also explores the conservation consequences of our complicated amorous and vexed affair with snakes, frogs, toads and other herpetofauna.